Music Series
by EmmyRaye16
Summary: Just popular songs, changed so the ASOUE can relate to 'em. please R and R!
1. Siblings

A/N: Er...this was random, but I heard this song and I started making my own little song and then this was born. R & R!

Olaf: Violet!   
  
Henchmen: Violet!  
  
Olaf: All the guys would say she's mighty fine  
  
But mighty fine only got you somewhere half the time  
  
And the other half either got you locked up, or your siblings in trouble  
  
Yeah, now dig this, even though,   
  
Henchmen: even though!  
  
Olaf: You'd need a golden calculator to invent,   
  
Henchmen: to invent!  
  
Olaf: The time it took to look inside and realize that  
  
My Disguises are all frauds and that I want your fortune, yeah!  
  
[Chorus- Repeat 2x]  
  
I know you'd like to thank your siblings don't stank  
  
But lean a little bit closer  
  
See that Sunny really smells like poo-ooo-ooo  
  
Yeah, Klaus really smells like poo-ooo-ooo  
  
Olaf:Violet!   
  
Henchmen:Violet!   
  
Olaf:See she's the reason for the word "wench"   
  
henchmen:"wench"  
  
Olaf:I hope she's speeding on making a invention  
  
And also trying to comfort her baby sister  
  
And try to foil my plans  
  
And get caught, caught, cauuught in my trap (I'm not kiddin')  
  
She needs a golden calculator to invent,   
  
henchmen:to invent  
  
Olaf:The time it took to look inside and realize that  
  
Bad guys go for really hot inventing girls, yeah  
  
[Chorus]  
  
Olaf:well she's got the hottest body, but she thinks she's a smarty  
  
When I met her at my home she was hardly acting normal  
  
I said "Violet, would you wed me?"  
  
She said "Pardon me, aren't you my daddy?"  
  
I said "Darling, you sound like a smarty"  
  
Oh so you're one them inventors, get geeked at the sight of inventing tools  
  
But game been peeped, thinking I'm a perv  
  
Thinkin'she's smart, this wench is lost  
  
Must take me for a drunk a quick way to escape  
  
A dirty place sleep, my daughter for a week, a trick for a fortune  
  
Now go on be my honey, my hygeine is flawless  
  
Regardless, we don't want to get involved with any bankers  
  
And judges just to foil my plans to marry you  
  
I wanna see your fortune not support you!  
  
Better come back down to Olaf  
  
Girl, quit chasin' Klaus  
  
What happens when your dough gets low  
  
Wench, you ain't that smart  
  
No way.. no way.. no way  
  
[Repeat 2x]  
  
Crazy Wench  
  
Crazy wench  
  
Crazy wench  
  
Crazy wench


	2. Olaf

A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed and so you won't be confused, the song for the last chappy was "Roses" by OutKast. Well enjot my remake of "Toxic" Hehehe. R and R...and ENJOY!

Uncle Monty: Mamba, can't you see  
  
I'm dying  
A snake like you  
Should wear a warning  
It's dangerous  
I'm poisoned  
There's no escape

I can't hide  
I need to run  
Olaf, get away  
You're dangerous  
Your no Stephano  
  
Too pale  
Can't get tan  
Losing my life  
Sinking down down down  
Can you hear me breathe  
  
With a needle full of poison  
I'm gonna die  
You're Count olaf  
Gonna get some orphans  
With a puncture of Mamba poison  
I'm suspicious of you  
Don't you know that you're Olaf  
And I know what your doin'  
Don't you know that you're Olaf  
  
It's getting cold  
I'm turning pale  
You stuck me  
With a Mamba poison  
Slowly  
It's killing me  
  
Too pale  
Can't get tan  
It's in my veins  
And it's killing me  
Can you hear me breathe  
  
With a needle full of poison  
I'm gonna die  
You're Olaf  
Gonna get some orphans  
With a puncture of Mamba poison  
I'm suspicious of you  
Don't you know that you're Olaf  
I'm suspicious of you  
Don't you know that you're Olaf  
Don't you know that you're Olaf  
  
Needle full of poison and gonna die  
  
With a needle full of poison  
I'm gonna die  
You're Olaf  
Gonna get some orphans  
With a puncture of Mamba poison  
I'm suspicious of you  
Don't you know that you're Olaf  
And I know what your doin'  
Don't you know that you're Olaf

With a needle full of poison  
I'm gonna die  
You're Olaf  
Gonna get some orphans  
With a puncture of Mamba poison  
I'm suspicious of you  
Don't you know that you're Olaf  
And I know what your doin'  
Don't you know that you're Olaf  
  
Olaf killed me now  
I think you'll figure it out  
I think I'm dying now  
I think I'm dying now  
Olaf killed me now  
I think you'll figure it out  
I think I'm dying now


	3. I'm Gonna Die

A/N: Thanks for da reviews. I don't know how long this whole thing will last, but ya know what? It will go on foreva! Until my mojo runs out...Well this is a parody of "I will survive" RRE!

Aunt Joshephine: I'm always afraid, I'm petrified  
  
I know I can never live without Ike by my side  
  
But then I spent so many nights thinking how he answered my phone  
  
And I grew depressed and now I got orphans to ignore  
  
And now I found a guy, from the grocery store  
  
I just walked in to find a guy with a eye patch over hie eye  
  
I should have got rid of the stupid phone, I should have not answered the it  
  
If I'd have known for just one second that a crazy guy would threaten me  
  
I gotta go, gotta jump out the window  
  
Just pretend I died now cuz orphans aren't worth it anymore  
  
Weren't they the ones who got me to answer the phone  
  
Did they think I'd drowned  
  
Did ya think I'd drowned, did ya think I'd jump out the window and die  
  
Oh no not I, I will pretend to die  
  
Oh as long as I know where a cave is, I know I'll stay alive  
  
I've got all my life to live I've got all my fear to give  
  
I'll pretend to die I will pretend to die hey hey  
  
(music)  
  
It took all the strength I had not be scared of Olaf  
  
And tried so hard to make him see my broken heart  
  
And I spent a night in the cave just feeling sorry for myself  
  
I will always cry, but now the leeches are makin' me die  
  
And you see me..mutilated and all ew,  
  
I'm still that scared little woman still tryin' to get away  
  
And so Olaf felt like dropping me in and just expectin' me to die  
  
But now I'm feeling sorry that I ate that fruit and leeches are eatin' me  
  
Thrown outta the boat, I'm gonna go  
  
Just turn around now cuz orphans are my only hope  
  
Weren't they the ones who figured out my note  
  
Did they think I'd drown, did they think I'd jump out, why no!  
  
Oh no not I, I'm gonna die  
  
Oh as long as I'm smelling like bannana, I know I'll end up like Ike  
  
I've got all my life to live I've got all my fear to give  
  
I'm gonna die..I'm gonna die ohh go on now go  
  
Thrown outta the boat, I'm gonna go  
  
Just turn around now cuz orphans are my only hope  
  
....continuing chorus


	4. I'm Not A Man

A/N: Hello again...this is a parody of "I'm not a girl" and i hope you RRE!

Man/woman henchman: I used to think  
  
Olaf had the answers to everything  
  
Mm but now I know  
  
That plans get changed or orphans are in my way. Yeah  
  
Looks like I'm somewhere in the middle  
  
That's when I realize  
  
I'm not a man  
  
Not quite a woman  
  
All we need is time  
  
A moment that we're right  
  
While I'm a transgendy  
  
I'm not a man


	5. I Believe in a Thing Called Fraud

A/N: Oh yea! I love this parody alot and in case you've lived under a rock for quite some time this is a parody of "I Believe in a thing called love" the best song..eva...or atleast the 2nd...er...RRE!

Duncan: Can't explain all the pain that is shootin' up my legs  
My breathing's in overdrive and I think I'd rather pretend I'm Greg  
  
Coughing spit, coughing flem  
Coughing spit, God I'm coughing flem  
  
Duncan and Isadora: We believe in a thing called fraud  
Just listen to the rhythm of our feet  
There's a chance we could pass as the Bauds  
We'll be running 'til the sun goes up  
We believe in a thing called fraud  
Ooh!  
  
Isadora: I'm countin' down the minutes and hours until this torture ends  
You all got me into this so then you could study for you exams!  
  
Coughing spit, coughing flem  
Coughing spit, God I'm coughing flem  
  
Isadora and Duncan: We believe in a thing called fraud  
Just listen to the rhythm of our feet  
There's a chance we could pass as the Bauds  
We'll be running 'til the sun goes up  
I believe in a thing called fraud  
Ooh! Blisters!  
  
Coughing spit, coughing flem  
Coughing spit, God I'm coughing flem  
  
We believe in a thing called fraud  
Just listen to the rhythm of our feet  
There's a chance we could pass as the Bauds  
We'll be running 'til the sun goes up  
I believe in a thing called fraud  
Ooh!


	6. Crazy Evil Thing Called Olaf

A/N: Heehehe. I just keep goin' and goin'...Well this is a parody of "Crazt Little Thing Called Love"RRE!

Klaus: This thing called Olaf, I just can't think of him  
  
This thing called Olaf, I must get back at him  
  
I ain't ready  
  
Crazy evil thing called Olaf  
  
This   
  
Violet and Sunny: (this thing)   
  
Klaus: called Olaf  
  
Violet and Sunny: (called Olaf)  
  
Klaus: He's mean   
  
Violet and Sunny: (like a cat)  
  
Klaus: In a bath all night  
  
He's disguised   
  
Violet and Sunny: (woo woo)  
  
Klaus: He acts   
  
Violet and Sunny: (woo woo)  
  
Klaus: He's dirty all over like Ms. Aguilera,  
  
I'm disturbed by him  
  
Crazy evil thing called Olaf  
  
There goes my sister  
  
She knows how to bite and kick  
  
She comes in handy  
  
She gives advice and doesn't feel wet  
  
Then she leaves me in awe when she speaks  
  
I gotta be cool relax, study  
  
Get on my search  
  
Take a short rest, rest my eyes  
  
And take a look at what I learned  
  
Until I'm ready  
  
Crazy evil thing called Olaf  
  
I gotta be cool relax, study  
  
Get on my search  
  
Take a short rest, rest my eyes  
  
And take a look at what I learned  
  
Until I'm ready   
  
Violet and Sunny: (ready Klausy)  
  
Klaus: Crazy evil thing called Olaf  
  
This thing called Olaf I just can't think of him  
  
This thing called Olaf I must get back at him  
  
I ain't ready  
  
Crazy evil thing called Olaf


	7. Don't Pity Me Now

A/N: Once again...silliness ensues! This is "Don't Stop Me Now". RRE!!!!

Phil: Today, I'm gonna have myself a real good time   
  
I feel alive and at work, feeling happy and gay!   
  
And floating around in ecstasy   
  
So don't pity me now don't pity me 'cause   
  
I'm having a good time having a good time   
  
I'm a happy lumberjack skipping through the forest  
  
Like a unicorn flying through fluffy clouds  
  
I'm a big ax cuttin' down trees like a beaver  
  
I'm gonna go go go   
  
There's no saddening me me   
  
I'm skipping around work!   
  
It's a danger to my health  
  
That's why they call me mister happy!  
  
I'm loving the gum break!  
  
I'm gonna make a supersonic bubble outta it  
  
Don't pity me now   
  
I'm having such a good time   
  
I'm cutting a log don't pity me now   
  
If you wanna have a day off just give Sir a call  
  
Don't pity me now ('cause I'm cuttin' a log)   
  
Don't pity me now (yes I'm cuttin' a log)   
  
I don't want to stop at all   
  
I've got my leg cut off   
  
But I'm still smilin'   
  
I am a panda, doin' tricks on a ball   
  
I am no sex kinda guy, that's givin' everyone hugs   
  
Like an gummy bear about to   
  
Oh oh oh oh oh IMPLODE!   
  
I'm skipping around work!   
  
It's a danger to my health!  
  
That's why they call me mister happy   
  
I'm loving the gum break   
  
I wanna make a supersonic bubble outta it!  
  
The Baudelaires: pity him, pity him   
  
Pity him hey hey hey!   
  
Pity him pity him ooh ooh ooh   
  
Phil: (I like it)   
  
Baudelaires: Pity him pity him   
  
Have a good time good time   
  
Don't pity me don't pity me ah   
  
Phil: I'm skipping around work yeah!   
  
It's a danger to my health  
  
That's why they call me mister happy  
  
I'm loving the gum break  
  
I wanna make a supersonic bubble outta it!   
  
Don't pity me now   
  
I'm having such a good time   
  
I'm cutting a log don't pity me now   
  
If you wanna have a day off just give Sir a call  
  
Don't pity me now ('cause I'm cuttin' a log)   
  
Don't pity me now (yes I'm cuttin' a log)   
  
I don't want to stop at all


	8. Good Old Fashioned Scumbag Man

A/N: This is my personal favorite of my whole parodies. I know your all thinkin' another Violaf hinty thing! EWWWW! But I find Violaf...so...funny. :P Yes, I know I'm sick and demented, so don't try to even start with me. This is "Good Olad Fashioned Lover Boy" RRE!

Olaf: I can make you clean   
  
And make everything extra dirty  
  
We can avoid eachother around the house  
  
I can abuse and degrade you  
  
And make you feel bad  
  
And give you extra beatings just for you  
  
Violet: Ooh scum ooh scumbag man  
  
What are my chores tonight, hey man?  
  
Olaf: Make you squirm under my charm  
  
That's because I'm a good old fashioned scumbag man  
  
Olaf: Ooh let me feel you heartbeat (grow faster faster)   
  
Ooh wanna smell my stinky feet?   
  
Come on and clean my filthy house  
  
And tell me how you think I'm hot  
  
I'd like for you to make me some puttanesca  
  
While I stare at your backside  
  
Violet: Ooh scum ooh scumbag man  
  
What are my chores tonight, hey man?  
  
Olaf: You make my breakfast and I'm better  
  
And leave to get drunk everyday   
  
When I'm not with you   
  
Think of beating you always   
  
I miss you (I miss those drunk rampant nights)   
  
When I'm not with you   
  
Fear me always   
  
I'll hurt you, hurt you  
  
Henchmen: Hey man where did you get it from?   
  
Hey man where did you go?  
  
Olaf: I learned my fury  
  
In the good old fashioned school of scumbag men  
  
Dining at my house we'll meet at nine precisely (one two three you better get down here now!) You will do all the work, and I drink the wine   
  
Cleaning up the mess while i'm hungover will be kindly  
  
Just carry me to my room, that will be fine (come on and hurry!)   
  
Violet: Ooh scum ooh scumbag man  
  
What are my chores tonight, hey man?   
  
Olaf: I start the fights and your my wife  
  
That's because I'm a good old fashioned scumbag man


	9. Inventing Queen

A/N: My first Duncy/Violet type thingy...so weird....oh well. "Killer Queen" is my parody. RRE!

Duncan: She keeps her mind on inventions  
  
And pulls up her hair "It helps me think" she says  
  
Just like any female inventor  
  
She builds all your needs  
  
For Klaus and her little sister  
  
At anytime when in danger  
  
When being pursued by Count Olaf  
  
Nice features and manners  
  
Well educated in mechanics  
  
Extremely tempermental  
  
Chorus:  
  
She's a invention queen  
  
Makes whatever she needs  
  
From anything at hand  
  
Guaranteed to work  
  
Anytime   
  
Recommended for long trips  
  
Great for sailing ships   
  
And she's mine!   
  
To avoid Count Olaf  
  
She never stayed in one place  
  
When in peril   
  
She acts very stable  
  
Made inventions for everything  
  
Some were by purpose  
  
Some were incidentally   
  
If you're in need a smart lass   
  
She would tend to your needs  
  
For money could care less  
  
Rather have family and happiness   
  
Chorus   
  
Drop of a hat she's got reflexes  
  
Tolerant like a librarian   
  
When there is danger near  
  
Temporarily not a teenager  
  
To absolutely get away from...danger...danger   
  
She's all out get away  
  
Chorus   
  
Recommended for long trips  
  
Great for sailing ships  
  
And she's mine?   
  
No she's mine...


	10. Getcha Invention

A/N: I was so tempted to remake a rap song...AND I OBEYED TEMPTATION!!!! Mwhahaha! Er...sorry....this is get "Your Freak On"...RRE!

Violet: Hit me, hit me  
  
Gimme some new materials  
  
Gimme some new materials  
  
Gimme some new materials  
  
Gimme some new materials  
  
Violet be puttin it down  
  
I'm the hottest gal  
  
I'll told yall to not get (scurred)  
  
Y'all can help me now  
  
Listen to me now  
  
I'm needin' sumthin loud  
  
And try to avoid (people)  
  
Then come and get me now (bounce)  
  
Is you gettin' me now (bounce)  
  
The biggie biggie bounce (bounce)  
  
I know you dig the way i in... in... invent ma stuff  
  
(Holla) People run away  
  
Now people outsmart  
  
Now people catch that man  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha getcha getcha getcha getcha invention  
  
(Did ya invent...)  
  
People you know  
  
Me and my skills been hot since I was born  
  
What da, hell naw!  
  
Now what da down low  
  
If Olaf wanna catch me then (people) lemme know  
  
(Holla) Got the feeling, bro  
  
Lemme think some  
  
Olaf here I come  
  
Another home when I'm done  
  
We got the guardians shook like we drunk some rum  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha getcha getcha getcha getcha invention  
  
Quiet  
  
Shh, shut Sunny up  
  
Silence when I finish it  
  
Gonna get away  
  
Open the door and give the plan away  
  
(Holla) Ain't no stoppin' him  
  
Runnin' after him, Klaus, don't follow me  
  
Y'all do it, sloppily  
  
And y'all can't come, come after me (yes)  
  
I know you worried 'bout me (yes)  
  
I know you thinkin' I'll fail (yes)  
  
I fail and get outrunned (yes)  
  
Violet gon' tryed her best (yes)  
  
People gon' pity me now (yes)  
  
We're in and outta town (yes)  
  
'Cos Olaf just escaped (yes)  
  
With his crazt goons (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha invention... (go)  
  
Getcha getcha getcha getcha getcha invention


	11. It's My Sis All the Bad Guys Want

A/N: Well, this is a parody of "She's the Girl All the Bad Guys want" I've gone shipper crazy as you've noticed. Dang it...oh well. RRE!

Klaus: 8 o'clock, opening night and they're actin'   
He's gonna marry my fourteen year old sissy.   
Her last name is Baudelaire, soon gonna be a countess,   
He says their gonna have a honeymoon and we all know what he means.   
  
And when she walks,   
All the henchmen turn to look and see   
If she's got a nice bootie!

Cause she is inventive   
Thinkin' with her smart mind   
Tryin' to be attentive  
Levers and pulleys in her eyes   
  
It's like a R rated movie   
Those guys are all oohing  
Olaf's angry and he's lookin' at me  
Thinkin' "I'm gonna molest your sissy"   
As I comfort Sunny,   
Cause it's my sis all the bad guys want.   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!   
  
She doesn't realize why the guys are going crazy   
I'm the only one you knows all their thoughts are really bad   
I hear Olaf's discussions and all I can do is shudder  
She'll never realize why they all stop and stare as she passes  
  
And when she walks,   
All the henchmen turn to look and see.   
If she's got a nice bootie!   
  
Cause she is inventive   
Thinkin' with her smart mind  
Tryin' to be attentive   
Gears turning in her eyes  
  
She wants to save her sister  
Bad guys plus a lass   
Doesn't know he's sinister   
With his hand on her ass  
  
It's like a R rated movie  
Those guys are all oohing  
Olaf's angry and he's lookin' at me  
Thinkin' "I'm gonna molest your sissy"  
As I comfort Sunny,   
Cause it's my sis all the bad guys want.   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!   
  
I see what he's thinkin'   
When she's near by, and when she's in her dress  
She has no clue, and I know that he's thinkin'  
He can't wait to see her naked!   
  
Now I'm tryin' to be inventive  
Thinkin' with a smart mind  
Tryin' to be attentive  
Gears blowin' up in my eyes  
I wanna save my sister  
As thoughts of bad guys and my lass  
All I can think of is...molest...molest...molest   
  
It's like a R rated movie  
Those guys are all oohing  
Olaf's angry and he's lookin' at me  
Thinking "I'm gonna molest your sissy"  
As I comfort Sunny,   
Cause it's my sis all the bad guys want.   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!   
(Olaf's her special friend)   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!   
(Olaf's her special friend)   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!   
It's my sis all the bad guys want!


	12. Evil Afterall

A/N: Been awhile. I've deceided to give all you Olaf/Esme shippers a nice little themesong and what ever. It's a spoof of "Underneath It All" by No Doubt. I lurve this song.

Esme: There's times when I feel mean

Kinda villiany There's times when life isn't just about

Being in

But, you see the villian in me like no one else

And beneath your bad hygeine you.  
You like money!  
  
Chorus:  
You're really mean

Evil afterall

You want money

Evil afterall

I'm really mean

Evil afterall

We want money  
  
Your unstylelish

And you need someone to make you in

And lately you've got me nice things

And giving me everything in

And, your after some nice big fortune

That i hope to spend

And when the orphan's escape

I guess it won't be for long  
  
(repeat chorus)  
  
So many disguises we have used

Thrown into your trunk

We've chased those orphans

And we try to get richer

We've chased those orphans  
  
And we try to get richer

Richer... Richer...  
  
Madam Lulu:  
You are truly schemin'  
Like the dirt on the ground

You are always dirty

And each time you visit

My accent grows faulty

Your not hot

But your smooth talkin' and actin'  
There's an attractive side

Pretty much almost

Aside from your temper

You'll just drink alot

You're evil, that's sexy

Oh Olaf, i'm sure I wish was yers

Esme: Oh, Lulu, you whore!  
  
Esme:  
You've killed all the orphans

And we got all their money

And somehow i'm still unsatisfied

I guess your all I need  
  
(repeat chorus)  
  
You're really mean

Evil afterall

I want money

Evil afterall

I'm really mean

Evil afterall

We want money


	13. Dark Avenue

A/N: Guess what? I'm feeling generous towards my readers and deceided to give you another little song. This is a spoof of "Ocean Avenue" by Yellowcard. My sis was begging me to do this because it is her fovorite sing. So...ya know. If you get confused this based after ASOUE, when Lemony is researching. Basically my take on what will happen. RRE!

Lemony: There's a place off Dark Avenue

Where the Bauds use to have a room

Violet was 14 and Sunny was a infant

Climbing up stairs, rescuing friends at night

Rescuing friends at night  
  
There's a house near Lousy Lane

They drove down it with Mr. Poe

It smelled bad and Monty seemed nice

Researchin' all day, Monty dying at night

Monty dying at night  
  
If I was your guardian, things may be better

We could run from the police and take shelter

But it's too late, the police are taking me away  
  
There's evidence that will help me

Places were you go, things that you see

When I sleep, I dream and it freaks me out

I can make believe that Beatrice didn't die

That Beatrice didn't die  
  
If I was your guardian, things may be better

We could run from the police and take shelter

But there's no way, no how we won't be together

Cause it's too late, the police are taking me away  
  
I researched the look in your eyes

When evil fianlly took your fortune

You were crying and tears in your eyes

"Your dead, not alive"  
I'm gazing at the burnt Snicket file

And keep pretending Olaf really died

And we'll finally see eachother

No way, no how  
  
If I was your guardian, things may be better

We could run from the police and take shelter

But there's no way, no how we won't be together

Cause it's too late, the police are taking me away


End file.
